Couch surfing.

You guys. Watch these videos. The second one is kind of long, but I promise you won't regret it.

I'm crying. Funniest story ever.

Ranting at 3 in the morning.

If there's one thing I've learned whilst taking a creative writing class this semester, it's that I've got a very particular style to my writing. A style full of sentence fragments, vague descriptions, misused commas, and very little rhythm.
And sometimes when I'm attempting to write a paper at 3 in the morning during finals week, I get frustrated. So I write my own form of poetry.
Enjoy.

Inspiration is a devil

Lurking right beyond your grasp.

Arriving at the worst times -

Late at night; early in the morning;

Right in the middle of something else.

He teases, he taunts, he mocks.

He guides you down a path,

Then abandons you in the dark.

Inspiration is a cat

With no loyalty to his owner.

He never comes when called,

But shows up when you’re preoccupied,

Yowling for your attention.

He is fickle and picky,

Giving you the impression

That you’ll never be good enough.

Inspiration is a song,

Just one line you can’t get out of your head

And it continues on repeat.

Yet the rest of the song is a mystery,

That won’t stop playing until it’s discovered.

So it circles around like a vulture,

Hunting all clarity still found in your mind,

And driving it away.

Inspiration is that one warm day,

Right in the middle of March,

That reminds you of sunshine and shorts,

Taunting you with freedom and happiness.

Because when it snows the next day,

You can still feel the warmth on your skin,

The hope that summer will come again,

Just not today.

Inspiration is a whore.

She flirts, she begs,

She leads you on,

Yet has no intention of staying around.

She’ll love you for a moment,

Make you believe she’s all you need.

She’ll leave you wanting more,

Then she’ll move on.

Inspiration is a dream,

Hiding on the edge of consciousness.

Yet the more that you reach,

The more it retreats,

Leaving you with nothing more than the belief

That something was there,

Something not quite solid,

An image lost in shadow.

Inspiration is the worst kind of friend.

It only takes, never gives

You can never depend on him,

Always bailing at the last minute,

Never there when needed most.

Like while writing a paper for a class.

Inspiration.

Where are you?

I know, I never thought I'd serve a mission either.

Believe it not kids, I'm going on a mission.
Yes, the girl who has said for her entire life that she would never go on a mission - me - actually has a mission call.
To the New Hampshire Manchester mission.
I actually got my call a couple weeks ago. I just haven't had a chance to blog about it. So sue me.
Anyway, I leave on March 13th. I'll be in the Provo MTC for two weeks, then I'll get shipped out. The Manchester mission covers most of Maine, almost all of New Hampshire and Vermont, and even goes into New York and Massachusetts a little bit. So I'll probably be all over New England.
And guys. I'm stoked.
I've always thought I'd love to live on the East Coast, especially up in the New England area. And this is my chance to do it. On top of that, I get to be serving the Lord. I'm so excited!
I've already found and throughly stalked my mission president's blog, and looked up what the areas are like. From what I've found on Wikipedia (since I've never been to New England), I can expect lots and lots of humidity. Pretty mild summers, only like 70s or 80s. And then a nice and cold winter, like in the 20s or 30s. Yesss.
I've already bought rainboots to wear.
So now I've just got to wait to leave. I'm staying in Provo until February, living in Kelsey's apartment, since I already sold my contract. I'm planning on just working and going to school. Since I have to take 6 credits to keep my job, I signed up for a few first block classes that end at the end of February. They might be a little rough to get through though. Already I have no motivation to do anything in the classes I'm in now. I just want to leave!
Gah. It's great though. I have so many other friends getting their mission calls now too. When I get home I know I'll still have some single friends - unlike Kelsey, who came home to find every single one of her friends married.
Isn't it funny though? When Kelsey came home from her mission in June I was still saying I wasn't really thinking about a mission. Now, only 5 months later, I have my own mission call. It just works out so perfectly. I had been kind of thinking about going next fall when I turned 21. But then in General Conference they announced the age change, making me eligible now. And it just works out so much better. Everything has fallen in place. I can leave before I get too involved in the Advertising program, I sold my contract (and with all the girls leaving to go on missions, it's pretty difficult to sell a contract in Provo right now), and I just feel like I need to go.
It's a little hard to do for sure. Right now is when all my guy friends are starting to come home from their missions. I'm going to miss seeing most of them. I was really excited to start the Advertising program, and now I'll be a little behind when I come back, since Advertising changes so quickly. I was going to go live with my cousins in Maryland for the summer, and we had so many great plans that I won't be able to do now. On top of that, I'm leaving all the friends I've made already this year, as well as everyone else.
It's gonna be rough. But in all honesty, I can't wait.

(If you're reading this and for some reason don't know what kind of mission I'm talking about, click on the 'I Believe' link in the right column. Or go here.)

50 People, 1 Question

I was going to be productive today, and catch up on all the reading I'm behind on.
But instead of that, I spent 45 minutes in the library watching Youtube videos. Specifically 50 People, 1 Question videos. My favorite one? This one:

And this one:

But there's dozens of these videos. Some are better than others. Some people have typical, materialistic answers. Some are deeper, more inspirational. But almost all have at least one moment that makes you choke up a little. And I love them.
So if you've got some time to kill, watch as many as you can. It'll make your life better. Hopefully.

FREAKING OUT.

Guys. I can go on a mission right now. I don't have to wait until next fall.

I don't know what to do.

Change.

Sometimes I like to vent to friends. And sometimes they help me realize things.
Like I'm not the only one feeling like I'm stuck in the same place.
Like nothing is happening in my life.
And I need something drastic to happen.

I don't know what. I just feel like I'm at a standstill. I'm not doing anything with my life right now. I'm not sure if I'm accepted into my major or not. I don't know if I'll get an internship this summer. My job is great, but it's not going to get me anywhere.
I just need a change.
I've been thinking about this a lot actually. I want - NEED - to get out of Utah. I might move to Maryland for the summer, live with my cousins, and work out there. I might go and teach English somewhere - Russia maybe. I might go on a mission.
The only problem is that none of these things can happen until next summer. And it's only October. I'm way too impatient for this.
So I'm attempting to make little changes now. I joined the rugby team. I'm trying to buy new clothes. And I dyed my hair.

It's really dark. But I like it.

Favorite quote at the moment? This:

"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." - M. Scott Peck

Guys. I'm stuck in a rut. And I'm trying to get out of it. But it's not happening fast enough. Gah. I need a major change.

Two.

Remember when I said I was going to do this 30 Day Challenge thing? Well I'm not very good at it. As I've only done one of the 30. But I'm working on it, so here's number two.

2) Describe 5 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

1. Needles. I hate needles. I can't really explain how this became a fear. I've just always hated them. When I was younger I wanted to be a doctor. And I remember thinking that I could handle anything about the job - blood, guts, vomit, etc. - just not the needles. I HATE needles. Whenever I get a shot I have to hold someone's hand or talk to someone to distract me. My dad's nurses know how much I hate needles, so they use two whenever I need a shot - one to draw the fluid from the bottle, and one to give me a shot. I don't think I will ever donate blood, simply because I hate needles so much.

2. Being alone. This one I have to explain a bit. I don't mean this in a I-always-need-people-around-me-to-be-happy way. I like spending time by myself. I mean this in like not having anyone there for you. Like no family, no friends. Living somewhere where I knew absolutely no one for an extended period of time would terrify me. A few days - maybe even weeks - is exciting. Anything more than that would kill me. I'm a social person. I need at least a couple people who I can talk to every once in a while in order to stay sane.

3. Losing a sense. I mean like losing my sight or hearing or something. I love music, the sound of the wind in aspen trees, and the clicking of sprinkler lines. I love seeing sunsets, the sight of the tops of mountains disappearing into clouds, and sunshine on a lake. I don't know what I would do if I lost the ability to notice things like that.

4. Not knowing who I am. I've always had a very strong sense of self. I know what I want to be in the future. I might not know how I'll get there, or even specifics, but I've always had a general idea. I've always known who I am, for the most part. There would be nothing worse than realizing that I didn't even understand myself anymore.

5. Not making it into the advertising program. This one is a little less serious. I couldn't think of anything else. And this kind of goes along with number 4. I don't know what I'll do if I don't get accepted into BYU's ad program. I love advertising. I know it's what I want to do with my life. But the whole process of applying is kind of freaking me out. I'm stressing over it. And I don't stress. It's kind of a big deal. I'm completely terrified. It'll all work out though.
I hope.